1- When I share my feelings and ideas about being an adopted person, I’m not whining or complaining. I am telling you the truth as I see it because I live it.
2- Please take me seriously when I discuss adoption.
3- I would rather know the truth, (about any topic), than be told a nice little “story” that will make me “happy”. Don’t think that I won’t know the difference.
4- Loss of any kind really, really sucks, plain and simple.
5- I’m not saying that my feelings are any deeper, better, worse or lighter than yours, but they are MY feelings. Please acknowledge.
6- Many times, especially socially, there’s a veil separating me from everyone else, and I will forever wonder if that veil-feeling is a result of my being adopted / different from most everyone else.
7- I no longer fear being rejected or replaced. I know it will happen eventually. It always does. What I do instead is enjoy the windows of time I do have with people, jobs, etc. and make the most of the “season”. It may be a long season, it may be short…but it’s a season. It’s like that Robert Frost poem, “Nothing Gold Can Stay”: https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/nothing-gold-can-stay When I learned about it in high school it struck a huge chord with me. Prob 3/4 of the kids in my class were zoned out, but that poem gave me a wake-up call.
8- I did not search, find and manitain good relationships w my birth family members because I was dissatisfied w the blessings I had, I did it to learn my medical and ancestral history, enrich my life and the lives of my children who now never have to grow up wondering, “what if…” like I had to do. I did all that to find a way to feel less “fragmented” and more “whole”. It worked.My birth family members are awesome!
9- I get it. We have to have laws to protect children. There are a lot of creeps out there. However, when that young person turns 18, they can serve in the military, buy cigarettes, vote and be tried as an adult. Why should that person be denied their original birth information if they are a responsible, law-abiding citizen? That’s my opinion. Please respect it.
10- I am not anti-adoption, but I am anti-lying/ falsification, anti-manipulation and anti-coercion. Adoption should not be a “business” for big profit. Yeah, yeah…social workers have to be paid. (I teach kids, and I want to be paid. Do you see me getting rich?) Lawyers and other adoption “entrepreneurs” need to lay low on this one. It should be all about family and child servicing first and foremost.
This post was inspired by a question that LeAnne Parsons, http://www.walkyourtalkwithleanne.com/ , proposed on a Facebook group. I told her that I would be sharing on my blog as well. P.