Top Ten Things What I Want People to Know About Me as an Adopted Person:

1- When I share my feelings and ideas about being an adopted person, I’m not whining or complaining. I am telling you the truth as I see it because I live it.

2- Please take me seriously when I discuss adoption.

3- I would rather know the truth, (about any topic), than be told a nice little “story” that will make me “happy”. Don’t think that I won’t know the difference.

4- Loss of any kind really, really sucks, plain and simple.

5- I’m not saying that my feelings are any deeper, better, worse or lighter than yours, but they are MY feelings. Please acknowledge.

6- Many times, especially socially, there’s a veil separating me from everyone else, and I will forever wonder if that veil-feeling is a result of my being adopted / different from most everyone else.

7- I no longer fear being rejected or replaced. I know it will happen eventually. It always does. What I do instead is enjoy the windows of time I do have with people, jobs, etc. and make the most of the “season”. It may be a long season, it may be short…but it’s a season. It’s like that Robert Frost poem, “Nothing Gold Can Stay”: https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/nothing-gold-can-stay When I learned about it in high school it struck a huge chord with me. Prob 3/4 of the kids in my class were zoned out, but that poem gave me a wake-up call.

8- I did not search, find and manitain good relationships w my birth family members because I was dissatisfied w the blessings I had, I did it to learn my medical and ancestral history, enrich my life and the lives of my children who now never have to grow up wondering, “what if…” like I had to do. I did all that to find a way to feel less “fragmented” and more “whole”. It worked.My birth family members are awesome!

9- I get it. We have to have laws to protect children. There are a lot of creeps out there. However, when that young person turns 18, they can serve in the military, buy cigarettes, vote and be tried as an adult. Why should that person be denied their original birth information if they are a responsible, law-abiding citizen? That’s my opinion. Please respect it.

10- I am not anti-adoption, but I am anti-lying/ falsification, anti-manipulation and anti-coercion. Adoption should not be a “business” for big profit. Yeah, yeah…social workers have to be paid. (I teach kids, and I want to be paid. Do you see me getting rich?) Lawyers and other adoption “entrepreneurs” need to lay low on this one. It should be all about family and child servicing first and foremost.

This post was inspired by a question that LeAnne Parsons, http://www.walkyourtalkwithleanne.com/ , proposed on a Facebook group. I told her that I would be sharing on my blog as well.   P.

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Comments

  • adoptedoutmemoir  On October 22, 2015 at 5:24 am

    Thanks for posting this!

  • bgbadoptee  On October 23, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Reblogged this on Baby Girl B. and commented:
    Yes, this, all of it… (I love when people blog my thoughts for me) 🙂

  • Henrietta M Ross  On October 23, 2015 at 10:58 pm

    I sometimes wonder whether my own brash honesty and forthrightness and my need for others to be straight forward is due to the stories we get told as kids. Could be down to lots of things. Well done articulating this Paige.

  • ellecuardaigh  On October 26, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    I’m embarrassed to say I never heard that Robert Frost poem before. It’s perfect and heartbreaking.

  • Sonya Watts  On November 3, 2015 at 7:40 am

    You know it’s taken me years to get over the emotional impact of being adopted, sifting through the emotions is exhausting enough…then to wake up and realise that even though the truth has been revealed, I have no legal right to my ancestral identity…now I am beginning to get a bit of a fight in my belly. I don’t want a right to claim a single thing of my heritage, and sadly I suspect there are cynics within my natural family who would dare to suggest that I may have anything other than genuine desire for relationship on my mind, when it comes to restoration…but the one thing I do want is acknowledgment for the future generation of my own family, who have to continue the lie, because the truth may impact a little too much!!! How absurd. There is more to come for all those veiled by forced adoption. I have a fantastic family, both my adopting parents, my family and my natural family are brilliant. But this is not about them, finally it is about the truth! I am also a little fed up worrying about how my reappearance is affecting everyone else…including my natural family and my adoptive family. Being worried about that is a direct effect of the desire to be accepted by them. As if they have that power anyway. I have put up with this crap my whole life…thinking I am somehow less than everyone else because my own mother didn’t want me. And yep, the magical fairy tale about being special is a load of crap. I am special but not because of my adoption. Because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have a right to acknowledgment of my true family history and birth name…

  • Mary Ellen Gambutti  On November 8, 2015 at 3:47 am

    Love this post! It so helps to hear your truth because it sounds so much like mine. Particularly get that “veil” feeling. Thank you, Paige.

  • LeAnne Parsons  On November 15, 2015 at 6:48 am

    Paige! Amazing Top Ten! I concur! My website is http://www.thewalkyourtalkcoach.com I would love to post this there!

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