A Teachable Moment

Recently I found myself in this discussion with someone regarding the release of my sequel memoir, AFTER THE TRUTH. I believe she truly wanted to understand:

Her: “So what’s it about?”  (the book)

Me: Still adoption but what adoption is like as an adult instead of how it felt as a kid.”

Her: “Did you really not like being adopted?”

Me: “Um, getting adopted was fine. Being adopted not a lot.”

Her: “How come?”

Me: “I wanted to be born in the family like everyone else. I wanted to be born and in like you were, and like ___XXX___ was. I wanted to feel more real, and there was no way to make that happen, no matter how good it was.”

Like, as an adult it’s better because you don’t have to worry about kids bullying you on a playground over it.

And now people care less since it’s all out there in real life and on TV. We have baby-mamas and baby-daddies and we aren’t putting them down. But when I was a kid, that stuff was still like a sin and a shame.

Now people talk about it more.

Her: Yes, times have changed.

Me: Now that I actually know a bunch of other adopted people who are my age and think the way I do, it’s better. I’m less different.”

Her: “Oh.”

Me: (taking advantage of my chance to speak freely here),  “It’s like what if I was born with 3 missing fingers instead? Ya know? You learn to compensate, you move on. You find a way to have a life, but 3 missing fingers sucks even though it won’t kill you. You might want to hide your bad hand from a lot of people and wonder what it would be like to have normal hands even if you do figure out how to hold a pencil. You learn to deal but you still would like to not have those missing parts.”


#adoption #afterthetruth #akintothetruth #adoptee

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  • Janet MacKenzie-Cohen  On October 1, 2018 at 1:47 am

    What a perfect description – I know you learn to compensate somehow and I also know that you wish you might have been “normal” Believe me, as a NMom – I wish I had known – none of this was disclosed to us – in fact quite the opposite – I was told that you would have a superior upper class life and be healthier and happier if I would just give you a better chance –


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