Adoptism-Brain: It’s real!

I have a mental condition called “Adoptism-Brain”.

Oh, you’ve not heard of it before? Allow me to share.

It occurs when you are an adopted person, and you think about being an adoptee a lot, and you know you have two names and two sets of family out there. It’s when you are painfully aware that you are not enough like your adoptive family, even on the best of days, and even when you wish you could be more like them.

It’s when you look like your birth family members, but there’s still a ton of missing information because separation for so long causes this. It’s like looking at a censored document with key words blocked out of the paper, or at one of those pixelated pictures of someone naked. So you know some stuff, but you can’t know everything because you didn’t get to experience a past together or see all these people face-to-face. Adoptism-Brain makes you think and see the world in a different way from non-adopted people.

It’s part science and part psychology. When you are exposed to limited stimuli, (in my case: visuals, audio, touch, and scent of the biological family) you grow up missing something. Instead, (in my case again), I was provided with substitute stimuli. It met my basic needs, but…

My adoptive family was pretty darn great. I will not deny this. I had all the stuff a baby/growing kid could ever want and need, including loving grandparents, summer vacations to Florida, a red Huffy bike at Christmas and a big, loving Boxer dog with droopy jowls and a thick, furry neck I could throw my arms around to hug tightly.

It’s not that I lacked decent stimuli, (after I was placed). It was that I lacked authenticity. The message conveyed by my parents and society at large was conflicting to the lesson adults also taught me, which was to always be truthful. The Institutions in Authority back in the Baby-Scoop Days fully believed that accepting substitutes and false / hidden facts was OK. That was the thinking back then. I don’t blame my mom and dad. They were raised to not question authority.

The problem was, (and still is for so many), that it’s confusing and not that simple. It’s not OK. Fake news is not OK because it messes with your head. It makes your mind work to constantly adapt to and work around all the missing sensations and details to find a wholeness in your identity.

Adoptism-Brain makes you function differently from other people.

Adoptism-Brain made my brain do flip-flops while trying to learn in school because I had this one extra layer of personal information to process that no one else had to deal with.

Adoptism-Brain made me incapable of noticing little things like when someone in my family would say, “Oh, look at that pretty blue bird over there”, and everyone else would turn to see it and go, “Oooh-ahhh” at the birdie, except for me who would be saying, “Where, what bird?” because I had more important things to stay watchful for.

Likewise, this condition might have caused me to unintentionally miss a detail of information you’ve verbally shared because my thoughts are also constantly split between what is actually going on in the present world and what might have happened concerning some very significant people from my first past. I will never stop wondering about the real story of how I came to be.

Adoptism-Brain makes me wary. It makes me question what is true and right.  It gives me a deep distrust of symbolic talk and superficial behaviors.  I want your exact words and for you to only say what you mean. No BS-ing.

I’m not a scientist or a doctor. Still, it is true that my brain is not wired like a non-adopted person’s brain. I know this is a fact because I live it and observe it every day with all people I interact with. I also know that without a bigger reason, no one will just freely offer up CT scans MRIs or EEGs to find proof just because you’re an adoptee. Those tests cost a fortune, and folks in immediate life-threatening situations need to access that level of care first.

Our brains work funky in ways that can’t be quantified in a traditional, methodical way, ( at this time), which is why it’s such a challenge to convince the academic community that Adoptism-Brain is a thing. Believe me. It’s a real thing.

If cancer patients can experience “ Chemo-Brain”, ( which appears to be a real thing but hard to quantify), then it’s also possible for the adopted to experience Adoptism-Brain. Right?

The thing now is, what do we do about it? Can we make Adoptism-Brain go away? I can only share that finding out as much truth as I possibly could is the thing that helped me the most. Today I know what my reality is and what might have been. It’s not a matter of finding better or worse. It’s a matter of knowing.

Just knowing.

 

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