My Unspeakable Loss, 2020, by Alicia Kay Lanier
This is a birth / biological/ 1st parent memoir from the Baby Scoop Era. Alicia Kay is from Texas, a state deep in conservative beliefs which still sadly clings to the antiquated notion of sealed and falsified birth records being an accepted norm. She was unfortunately caught in a clash between her conservative, Christian fundamentalist upbringing while becoming a young adult during the greater societal changes of the 1960s and 70s.
Ms. Lanier shares in great detail about her whole life, and how she and her husband progressed in their careers, parenting, marriage other interpersonal relationships. Meanwhile, she never forgot about what happened decades earlier and how it has impacted all other segments of her existence. Eventually, before the Internet and social media existed for the greater public, the author goes on a long quest to find her missing family members and later becomes an activist for open records. Lanier presents her story with southern charm and kindness, even when explaining moments of disappointment and loss.
I chose this book for several reasons:
1- My birth mother is not living so I have never been able to learn from her perspective.
2- My birth mother was also from southern culture by heritage and had me in the early 60s.
3- I want to read adoption books which means I want to learn from people like myself and also from other points of view in the constellation. I would not be a fair, unbiased book reviewer if I read and wrote about adoptee-only stories.
My Unspeakable Loss is an excellent resource for anyone interested in what so many birth/bio/1st mothers experienced during the Baby-Scoop times of adoption. From personal experience, I know that adoption has affected every other aspect of my life as a parent, friend, spouse, and employee. After reading My Unspeakable Loss, I believe that being a parent of relinquishment would also impact other parts of one’s identity. Adoptees and adoptive parents could gain compassion and understanding from this very gracious writer. Fellow birth parents, especially mothers will be able to relate to Ms. Lanier’s sentiments and thought processes throughout this book.
This memoir is available through Barnes and Noble and Amazon. (I read the Kindle version.)