Review of Far From the Tree (2017), by Robin Benway:

  Far From the Tree is big story with well-developed main characters, Grace, Maya and Joaquin. They are teenage biological siblings from the same birth mother, who initially have no idea the other exists until they experience separate life-altering events. Grace becomes a teen mom who makes the heart-shattering decision to relinquish her newborn daughter to a semi-open adoption arrangement. Maya is struggling with her identity as someone who looks nothing like the family she’s been adopted into, plus she deals with an alcoholic parent. Joaquin, who is aging out of the foster care system very soon, struggles with attachment and trust issues. It begins with Grace, grieving the loss to adoption of her baby, who tells her mom and dad that she wants to find her own birth mother. The three teen siblings eventually meet up and go on a quest to learn about what happened to their original mother.

  While the writing, especially at the beginning of this book seems a bit forced and stiff, the book “warms up” as more and more details unfold. Stick with it, folks. The reading experience evolves from an ABC after school special, (I am dating myself), to multi-faceted story-telling. Chapters are divided between the viewpoints of Grace, Maya and Joaquin but told in 3rd person.

  Author Robin Benway gets the adoption aspects right in this book. While not an adoptee nor connected closely to anything adoption, she shares in an interview, https://www.slj.com/story/robin-benway-opens-national-book-award-winning-ya-novel, how she researched and considered the story plots for her adoptee characters and their respective adoptive parents. She addresses different forms of adoption, assorted emotions which often show up later in an adoptee’s life and also Grace’s unique position as both an adoptee and a birth parent herself.

This award-winning book is available on Amazon.

Review of Annette L. Becklund’s Ancestry Discoveries: What Happens Under the Sheets Doesn’t Stay There

  I had a Holiday Vacation goal. (I had several goals, but reading a book was one of them. ; ) Ancestry Discoveries was a great choice for many reasons. For one, I needed to complete an unfinished read from a while back, but the chaos of work life + personal life was getting the better of my time and attention span. 2- At the NAAP/ Right To Know Untangling Our Roots summit back in March-April, I made a promise to Annette Becklund, my table-mate at the authors’ booth section, that I would read and review her memoir. 3- This was a first experience for me in that I had never read an NPE (Not Parent Expected) memoir before, and I wanted to expand my understanding. I was curious to explore the similarities and uniquenesses between an adoptee’s experience and Annette’s.

  Ancestry Discoveries is both a memoir and a teaching moment book. Becklund introduces the reader to newer terms used in adoption and NPE circles. She explains well certain feelings and thoughts a person will experience if either what they thought was true about their life suddenly isn’t, having an unexplainable urge or longing for places and things and how to deal with people you once trusted until you realize they have been helping to harbor secrets about you, (or aiding someone else who has been lying/ hiding the truth).

  For sure any reader, adopted, NPE or not, can find benefit in Becklund’s use of humor and her entire chapter on forgiveness. The humorous phrasing throughout this memoir keeps the story entertaining, friendly and reminds the reader that laughter is important when seeking ways to heal from a wrong doing. Finding humor is a defense mechanism sometimes, but also a balm to help in moving forward as you reconstruct your life after an emotionally-charged alteration in circumstances. Another significant piece of advice Annette Becklund imparts is how necessary it is to seek out activities and people that provide you with positive feelings and good experiences. This will help create a sense of balance in your life and let you know you do have some choices.

  Ancestry Discoveries is a great story with meaningful advice and an upbeat feeling. Adoptees, (especially adoptee-lites and late discovery adoptees) and NPEs have a lot in common regarding dealing with “forbidden” information and secrets, the need for mirroring, the quest for accurate heritage and health history. Purchasing Ancestry Discoveries supports righttoknow.us, which is an organization that offers services and support to individuals who come to realize that one of their parents is not biological as they were raised and led to believe. 

Review of Ground Zero by Alan Gratz

Ground Zero, by Alan Gratz

Dual perspectives on events and emotions are depicted in this piece of historical fiction about September 11th, 2001. Brandon, a “tween”-aged boy and his dad are headed to the Twin Towers to his dad’s job. Brandon is off school and begrudgingly has to shadow his dad for the day instead of enjoying the warm, sunny afternoon. Unbeknownst to his single-parent father, he slips off to go to the shopping mall area when their tower is hit. 

Almost 20 years later, in the hills of Afghanistan lives Reshmina, a “tween” girl with her parents, siblings and grandmother. They and the people in her small, remote village live without many modern conveniences, including technology and updated books. Reshmina has no knowledge of 9-11, 2001 because she wasn’t even born then. She has no understanding why civilians in her town despise Americans and fear the Taliban. It’s just the way her people have lived for decades. She encounters a wounded U.S. soldier one afternoon who begs for her help. Her religious training has taught her that revenge is OK in some circumstances, but if your enemy asks for help, it’s your duty to try to help them.  She is torn about how to handle the situation, but decides to bring him home. However, this puts her family and community members in potential peril.

Why am I including this entry in an adoption book review blog? You will have to read this amazing book to find out that answer. For me, having read many books in my lifetime, I saw it coming, (the adoption component). The novel is designed for middle grade/junior high readers as a way to explain through story telling about September 11th. Most readers at that age will not sense coming what I sensed. (Unless they possibly have adoptee radar [“adopt-tar”] as I do.

Reading this book also reminds me: The point was to teach young people that individuals from many walks of life have differing ideas about certain events in world history. It is important to avoid harsh judgement if you do not have full knowledge of the other’s circumstances. Those of us in “The Constellation“ also have varying viewpoints about adoption and need to be mindful to not judge those who have opinions contrasting to ours. 

This book is an interesting, fast-paced read, not specifically about adopted people, but it serves as a reminder that so often a series of random, unrelated actions, may be less random that we think, just as our birth stories, whether they remain unknown to us or not, are also made up of what we think might be disconnected events but really aren’t. 

Two Book Reviews!

https://paigestrickland.substack.com/publish/posts/detail/138320643/share-center

I know it’s been a while (too long) since my last post about adoption themes in books, but believe me, I am reading every day, (when I am not working, child-caring, elder care-giving or cleaning my house). Reading is my thing and has been my thing long before I became an educator, care-giver or home owner. Teachers often say that kids learn to read and later read to learn. I live to read and also read to live.

You know how we often say we sometimes find our pets and other times our pets find us? It’s also true about books. We find books, but some books find us. I was found by two stories recently:  Worst Case Collin by  Rebecca Caprara and All the Broken Pieces, by Ann E. Burg. I was drawn in by their titles and book cover designs. Then I started reading. What a treat!

Worst Case Collin is not specifically about adoption, but there happens to be a significant supporting character (Collin’s best friend) who happens to be an adoptee. Some may call her a literary trope, but I disagree. Collin is a junior high-aged kid who is going through serious episodes of grief and loss after his mother dies in a car accident. At one point, Georgia, his close confidant, confesses a long-kept secret to Collin, exposing her own grief and loss sentiments as a show of empathy. She tells Collin that she is adopted and ashamed of it and feeling awkward and guilty about her curiosity regarding her birth mother and what happened to all the people she may never get to meet. (Incidentally, the story takes place in the state of Arizona, which has very “messy” adoptee rights laws, however it is unclear if Georgia’s birth/adoption occurred in that state or elsewhere, and it’s not pertinent to the main message of the story anyway. However, it compelled me to look up adoptee laws/rights in AZ and wonder whether or not the author did any research about that prior to developing the character of Georgia.) So while Worse Case Collin is not about adoption directly, it addresses the subject in terms some adoptees can relate with such as that craving for truth and wonderment about the family that never was and how those lost connections can make you feel isolated and filled with disenfranchised grief. Georgia copes with her situation by confiding her thoughts to a “safe” person. Colin is compassionate and gains understanding that grief comes in many forms and it is all valid and real.

On the other hand, All the Broken Pieces is indeed an historical fiction tale in verse about an adoptee. Young Matt is an air-lift rescued Vietnamese boy. His biological mother puts him on a plane trusting that the U.S. soldiers will find him a home far away from the brutalities and tragedies of the Vietnam War. This event in history is known as Operation Babylift. The story tells how bewildered, traumatized Matt comes to the U.S. unable to speak English, yet filled with questions about why did his mother give him up (but not his brother), and why do so many people, especially his school/teammates regard him as an an enemy. He is placed for adoption with a white suburban family and given English lessons and cultural transition classes via his adoption agency. Matt struggles with the notion of “If she loved me so much, why did she give me away?” He wonders if he would ever be able to find her or his kept-behind brother ever again. He feels guilt as he struggles to feel love for two mothers while wondering about his white, biological soldier father. 

While adapting to American school-boy life in the 1970s, Matt discovers piano playing and baseball while coping with racial and cultural insults from team and classmates who only have one narrow perspective of “us versus them” regarding the war in Vietnam. This book is insightful and educational in the historical sense. It captures the conundrum of being a trans-racial/national adoptee caught between cultures and loyalties. All the Broken Pieces is a quick read, designed for middle-grade / junior high readers but also a valuable addition to any adoptee’s reading collection.

Review of Jennifer Dyan Ghoston’s The Truth So Far, (2015)

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Review of Meg Kearney’s The Secret of Me (2005)

The Secret of Me is a unique adoption story because it is composed as a book in verse. It is written as a fictional account of a teenage girl’s perspective on being adopted and how it impacts her learning, home and social life. The heroine, Lizzie, experiences a “good” adoption, but like many adoptees, she still harbors concerns and fears over what others will think and how others will treat her if they knew her secret. She longs for a birth story. She also longs for open, objective and fair communication about her thoughts between herself, her friends, and her parents. 

The Secret of Me is an excellent choice for anyone from about grade 6 through adult. It is an honest account of what being adopted feels like regardless of generations, especially if the adoption was closed. This book clearly explains the fact that even in the finest of circumstances, adopted kids and even adults are thinking about their alternate time lines and about what would have happened in their other lives. It validates that many adoptee feelings and beliefs are real and common among our community. In the story, Lizzie has an older brother and sister who are also adopted, but everyone in her household finds it impossible to discuss adoption in terms of feelings. It is indeed a universal struggle for adopted people to put their feelings into appropriate words because so many of us have been silenced and told how we should think.

This book is a fast read, and although it was composed in verse, it does not necessarily rhyme. You do not have to be a connoisseur in poetry to appreciate this tale which may or may not be semi-autobiographical. There are many moments when, while reading, the adoptee reader will experience a , “Yeah, Same here!” feeling as will most readers from middle school age on up in this coming of age tale. There is a detailed afterward section which explains author, Meg Kearney’s creative process for putting this story together and some of the works which inspired her (and her main character, Lizzie). The afterward isn’t required, but since the book itself is so short, it provides a nice closure.

I have no criticism except to say it was too short and now I will miss the family members in this story. I felt involved and curious about what could happen next.

Review of Saved By A Song, The Art & Healing Power of Songwriting by Mary Gauthier

Singer, composer, performer and musician, Mary Gauthier shares not only her personal story as an adoptee from the American south in the 1960s, but also the creative processes she has used to concoct innovative meals as a chef and also write and preform her ballads. 

Much of the content of Gauthier’s memoir focuses mostly on her life as a performer and song/ music composer because in her earlier years she admits she knew certain generic facts about her birth story but “…for the first four decades of my life…” she did not give being adopted that much thought. Native to the New Orleans area, she was raised with one younger also adopted brother and a sister who was biological to her (adoptive) parents. A stroke of synchronicity after a music concert led her to the idea of researching her adoption and the circumstances leading up to that situation. 

Saved By A Song contains lyrics to ballads; part fictional yet also real-life, and her words in the tunes at times seem as autobiographical as the memoir itself. Gauthier shares candidly about her recovery from substance abuse and how she found her “voice” as a woman navigating professions typically dominated by males. Gauthier’s memoir is thoughtful and candid as she addresses being a person experiencing recovery and as someone who lives by her own rules and beliefs after being raised in a caring but conservative Catholic home and society. She tells of her decision to change careers and take professional risks in uncertain times while struggling with self-doubt and moving to new cities. 

This line, as a fellow writer, especially stands out to me: “Imagination is where we go to discover new possibilities, what could be manifested, what is emotionally true….We can point to a song and say, ”This! This is how I feel.”  (p. 98, Gauthier, 2021) Gauthier’s adoption experience enhanced her musical career as she explored her feelings and beliefs about how she lives her life. “As strange as it may sound, I’d never thought of myself as actually being born, only adopted.” was another eye-opening line for me as a fellow adoptee. (p. 181, Gauthier, 2021) So many of us adoptees have felt “unreal” or not born at all.

Gauthier’s memoir, Saved By A Song is highly creative yet authentic. It is heartfelt and honest plus picturesque. Anyone adopted or not would benefit from an innovative standpoint to read this book. Adoptees, (we already know that many adopted people are highly creative and forward-thinking!), will appreciate learning from Gauthier’s search and reunion experiences. Any reader who has experienced the challenges of the rehab/recovery process will find a kindred spirit in Ms. Gauthier’s words of encouragement. Musicians, composers and lyricists will also benefit from Gauthier’s wisdom. 

Saved By A Song is available at Amazon.com.

Review of Twice A Daughter, 2021, by Julie Ryan McGue

Review of Twice a Daughter by Julie Ryan McGue

Author and adoptee advocate, Julie McGue’s memoir of her search and reunion for her biological family, Twice a Daughter, hooks the reader right away and immerses the reader into her loving, busy family life while she pursues her quest to find her birth relatives and obtain family medical history. Two of the biggest messages from this story are: 1- Adopted people, especially from closed adoptions are systematically denied their right to accurate health information which is worrisome and unfair, and this practice has to change. 2- Balancing the care and concern you have for both biological and adoptive family members is a huge challenge, but it can be accomplished with a trusted support system.

McGue’s initial trigger for doing the research was a health scare, and she needed answers as she faced exams and screenings, which are scary enough even when you do have health history knowledge. Throughout her search and reunion journey McGue must deal with issues surrounding aging (adoptive) parents and her mother’s hesitancy to support the search plus the roadblocks planted by the closed adoption practices of the Baby-Scoop Era.

Something which makes this memoir unique from other books is the fact that McGue is a twin and was raised with her sister all along. This book demonstrates that even if an adoptee does have someone from which to “mirror” certain traits, it isn’t always enough. Factual wellness or disease history within the biological family should be provided and updated as well. Successful reunion on an interpersonal level is an added bonus, but is not 100% possible in many cases for many reasons, but inner peace can be achieved regardless if you have encouragement and patience from other family and friends.

This is a fascinating and engaging account of an adoptee search and reunion experience through the eyes of a twin. McGue’s resilience and creative thinking, along with support from her sister and spouse help her uncover synchronicities, stories and most importantly honest answers she desperately desires. Twice a Daughter is a great read for any adoptee and also graciously demonstrates the struggles and concerns adoptive parents might also experience as the search process unfurls. This memoir never states that all reunions are rosy and easy. (Many require patience, compassion and lots of time.) 

This memoir is available on Amazon.

Review of I Must Have Wandered: An Adopted Air Force Daughter Recalls

Review of:  I Must Have Wandered: An Adopted Air Force Daughter Recalls

I Must Have Wandered is a lyrical and descriptive glimpse into the coming of age experiences of an adopted U.S. military daughter in the 1950s and 60s and her emergence into young adulthood as she explores issues with attachment, trust, identity and direction. This is a well-written must read for Baby-Boomer generation and Baby-Scoop Era adoptees. However, Gambutti’s style of story telling is something anyone adopted and questioning their existence and circumstances can relate to, regardless of age bracket/era.  The complexity of the adoptee’s search for place and self in this world is universal, powerful and effectively explained in this memoir.

I Must Have Wandered: An Adopted Air Force Daughter Recalls might also be relatable to anyone who grew up in a military family where children’s schools and homes change(d) constantly, relationships are/were often challenged due to distance and unpredictability, and stressors from demanding work days are/were felt by all family members. Gambutti is respectful but frank about her volatile relationship with her rigid, career-driven, military father.

Gambutti addresses the all too common adoptee issues of acceptance, identity and self esteem in beautifully-versed vignettes. Her story telling is flavored with nostalgia from the 1950s and 60s, recreating the culture of times filled with secrecy, conservatism, manipulation and compliance with authority, even if someone questioned or disagreed.

This memoir reads fast, and the reader will not want to stop. It is easy to relate with, regardless of an adoptee’s circumstances. Gambutti’s adoptee story is engaging and honest. This memoir is a lovely, must-have addition to your adoptee/adoption-themed book collection. It is available at Amazon.com.

Review of Coming Together, An Adoptee’s Story by Martha Shideler

Martha Shideler is a Baby-Scoop-Era adoptee who was born in California, which is a closed records state. Her biological mother went to the Florence Crittenden Home for Unwed Mothers. Her memoir about searching for her biological family is engaging and a fast read. Shideler packs a lot into a short book and will resonate with the reader about wanting to feel a part of humanity by having heraldry and true facts. Shideler’s story is a perfect example of someone coming from a mostly “good” adoption, but still needing to feel whole and real. 

Throughout the tale, Shideler must struggle against societal systems of both authority and incompetence as she forages toward her discoveries. In a few scenes and dialogues, I almost had to laugh because not only can I relate as a fellow adoptee but as a general citizen and consumer who at times must rely on the timely and accurate follow through of other professionals, which so frequently does not pan out unless you dog them and double-check their work. When we search for missing people, travel, write letters and make phone calls, many people become part of the constellation, and someone somewhere along the line is bound to make errors.

I found these quotes from Shideler’s work to be meaningful:

p. 52, “All children must establish independence from their families of origin, but for adoptees that effort may be more difficult than for others. Not only are they seeking spiritual identity and internal integrity; they are also searching for a physical connection to the rest of humanity.” Searching and finding facts as well as actual people does make an adoptee feel more human.

p. 58, Shideler, like myself explored identity through learning about another culture. I studied Spanish, and Shideler became an expert in Navajo language and lifestyle:  “I was drawn to these people who could trace their roots back generations when I couldn’t even go back one…and I related to the injustices suffered by the Navajo people.”

p. 98, Shideler shares a concern she had regarding aging when she saw two women shopping in a grocery store who looked to be related, and she thought to herself: “You can see what you will look like in 20 years. You’ve always been able to do that! You have a pattern for growing old. I don’t! I have no patterns!” Finding elders is a godsend because you can figure out a pattern.

This book is from 2011, but is available at Amazon.